Post by Wolflikeme on Sept 23, 2009 20:19:16 GMT -4
Nick Wilson's First Job Part 1
This is the true story of my first job. I walked into Kentucky Splash water park as a ripe 16 year-old, filled out my application, and received a phone call a week later to be a lifeguard. It is now four summers later and all I have left from my first job is a yet to be cashed 365 dollar paycheck and many stories of rebellion, politics, ass-kissing, rule breaking and just plain hilarity. These stories will expose only how awesome and bad ass I am, and how full of shit the workplace(at least this workplace) is.
MY FIRST SUMMER
A favorite movie of mine is Training Day; this movie is stuck in my head as I arrive 10 minutes early for my lifeguard training(I'm never, ever on time, even at 16). I am Ethan Hawke and then Denzel Washington walks in. We'll call him BossMan. BossMan brings me and the five or six others upstairs to begin our training. We sit at a round table, he begins to speak, and I immediately learn that I like his style.
BossMan: Here's the deal, you all are here for lifeguard training. I am one of your supervisors and there are four other supervisors. I'm gonna be up front. I cuss like a fucking sailor, I love to dip my fucking Copenhagen, and I'm teaching this bullshit class because I get paid to. This is a 24 hour course, but I can get us through this shit by 6 pm. If you fuck up or you are incapable of learning how to save someone's life, I will just send you home.
BossMan was and still is a cool dude: as a boss and just someone to hang out with. However, this blog is about my awesomeness so I will continue on with my first day of training focusing more on me. Everything went through smoothly in the training. Saving and bringing someone back to life is easy and I sailed through with flying colors. Then we reach the pool. At this time, Ky Splash was insured by Ellis Aquatics, the most cut-throat, intense water insurance company known to man. I can't remember how many yards we had to swim, but it could've been a mile to me. I was a 16 year-old halfway through my training for my first job to be a lifeguard and there was one important outlier of information I didn't process yet. I couldn't swim. BossMan had us all jump into the water and begin treading for 2 minutes. I had no sense of how to behave in the water and how I made it through that two minutes is still unknown to me. The only thing that saved me in this predicament was that the water is only 4 and a half foot deep. I'd kick my foot off of the bottom of the pool about every three seconds. It became time to swim so I doggy paddled. Then this grew too grusomely tiring so I began to walk on the pool and move my arms in the motion that the others were doing. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was mocking a breast stroke. I somehow passed this training, and my family loved my story the next Thanksgivng dinner about how I was the lifeguard who couldn't swim.
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About two weeks into my new life as an employee, I received an invitation from a friend to attend a pre-season Bengals game. I received permission from my dad to accompany my friend, and he enlightened me that I would have to "request off" of work. This was a new obstacle for me to overcome: receiving permission from someone else as well as my father to go somewhere. I walked up the steps to the manager's office with a beating heart and perspiring pits from nervousness. I didn't know this dude like I knew my father. What if he said "no"? What if I was stuck sitting in a chair giving an answer to so many stupid questions by each and every redneck in the city instead of watching the Bengals? I walked through the door to his office and immediately let out a huge sigh as I seen posters of Carson Palmer, Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson, and Ken Griffey, Jr. on the wall.
Nick: I need off this Saturday.
JockSniffer: Why?
Nick: I'm going to the pre-season game in Cincinatti.
JockSniffer: Oh... Against the Saints. I think something can be done.
Nick: Great. I'm very excited.
JockSniffer: First one?
Nick: Yeah, I've been to plenty of Reds games though.
JockSniffer: There not doing so good now. We always lose it when it comes close to pennant run time.
We then preceded to have a conversation about one of the three sports teams that I am also guilty of sniffing the jocks of. This and many other conversations concreted the other 5 or 6 days I got off to go to Reds games that I may or may not have attended.
-------------------------------------------------
Near the end of my first lifeguard season, I had already learned that I had stumbled into one of the easiest, most relaxing, most boring jobs in the world. This just meant that I had to keep myself occupied. I was sitting on the lazy river one day when a girl I went to school with floated around. We'll call her NiceTits. I'd speak to her each time she went around and she would bite the bait and flirt right back. I finally got around to the backside of the lazy river where nobody else in the park had a visual of what went on back there. This was when NiceTits got some of the sickest game spat of all-time. I wish I knew what I said then, because it worked, and I seen my first set of boobies while on stand in my lifeguarding career. They were very nice, too.
A couple days later, I was once again working, and NiceTits was once again there. And, of course, once again she followed me and I flirted. This time NiceTits decided it would be worth the hike up the stairs to visit me at the top of the slides. And, of course, once again I wish I could remember what I said, because it wasn't long until we were making out on top of the slides and that nice bathing suit top was no longer hiding those nice tits. I rubbed her nips a little bit and she went down the slides. NiceTits and I had many more encounters, but none happened at my first workplace so they need not be discussed here. Some of those encounters are in some of my other stories.
This is the true story of my first job. I walked into Kentucky Splash water park as a ripe 16 year-old, filled out my application, and received a phone call a week later to be a lifeguard. It is now four summers later and all I have left from my first job is a yet to be cashed 365 dollar paycheck and many stories of rebellion, politics, ass-kissing, rule breaking and just plain hilarity. These stories will expose only how awesome and bad ass I am, and how full of shit the workplace(at least this workplace) is.
MY FIRST SUMMER
A favorite movie of mine is Training Day; this movie is stuck in my head as I arrive 10 minutes early for my lifeguard training(I'm never, ever on time, even at 16). I am Ethan Hawke and then Denzel Washington walks in. We'll call him BossMan. BossMan brings me and the five or six others upstairs to begin our training. We sit at a round table, he begins to speak, and I immediately learn that I like his style.
BossMan: Here's the deal, you all are here for lifeguard training. I am one of your supervisors and there are four other supervisors. I'm gonna be up front. I cuss like a fucking sailor, I love to dip my fucking Copenhagen, and I'm teaching this bullshit class because I get paid to. This is a 24 hour course, but I can get us through this shit by 6 pm. If you fuck up or you are incapable of learning how to save someone's life, I will just send you home.
BossMan was and still is a cool dude: as a boss and just someone to hang out with. However, this blog is about my awesomeness so I will continue on with my first day of training focusing more on me. Everything went through smoothly in the training. Saving and bringing someone back to life is easy and I sailed through with flying colors. Then we reach the pool. At this time, Ky Splash was insured by Ellis Aquatics, the most cut-throat, intense water insurance company known to man. I can't remember how many yards we had to swim, but it could've been a mile to me. I was a 16 year-old halfway through my training for my first job to be a lifeguard and there was one important outlier of information I didn't process yet. I couldn't swim. BossMan had us all jump into the water and begin treading for 2 minutes. I had no sense of how to behave in the water and how I made it through that two minutes is still unknown to me. The only thing that saved me in this predicament was that the water is only 4 and a half foot deep. I'd kick my foot off of the bottom of the pool about every three seconds. It became time to swim so I doggy paddled. Then this grew too grusomely tiring so I began to walk on the pool and move my arms in the motion that the others were doing. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was mocking a breast stroke. I somehow passed this training, and my family loved my story the next Thanksgivng dinner about how I was the lifeguard who couldn't swim.
------------------------------------------
About two weeks into my new life as an employee, I received an invitation from a friend to attend a pre-season Bengals game. I received permission from my dad to accompany my friend, and he enlightened me that I would have to "request off" of work. This was a new obstacle for me to overcome: receiving permission from someone else as well as my father to go somewhere. I walked up the steps to the manager's office with a beating heart and perspiring pits from nervousness. I didn't know this dude like I knew my father. What if he said "no"? What if I was stuck sitting in a chair giving an answer to so many stupid questions by each and every redneck in the city instead of watching the Bengals? I walked through the door to his office and immediately let out a huge sigh as I seen posters of Carson Palmer, Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson, and Ken Griffey, Jr. on the wall.
Nick: I need off this Saturday.
JockSniffer: Why?
Nick: I'm going to the pre-season game in Cincinatti.
JockSniffer: Oh... Against the Saints. I think something can be done.
Nick: Great. I'm very excited.
JockSniffer: First one?
Nick: Yeah, I've been to plenty of Reds games though.
JockSniffer: There not doing so good now. We always lose it when it comes close to pennant run time.
We then preceded to have a conversation about one of the three sports teams that I am also guilty of sniffing the jocks of. This and many other conversations concreted the other 5 or 6 days I got off to go to Reds games that I may or may not have attended.
-------------------------------------------------
Near the end of my first lifeguard season, I had already learned that I had stumbled into one of the easiest, most relaxing, most boring jobs in the world. This just meant that I had to keep myself occupied. I was sitting on the lazy river one day when a girl I went to school with floated around. We'll call her NiceTits. I'd speak to her each time she went around and she would bite the bait and flirt right back. I finally got around to the backside of the lazy river where nobody else in the park had a visual of what went on back there. This was when NiceTits got some of the sickest game spat of all-time. I wish I knew what I said then, because it worked, and I seen my first set of boobies while on stand in my lifeguarding career. They were very nice, too.
A couple days later, I was once again working, and NiceTits was once again there. And, of course, once again she followed me and I flirted. This time NiceTits decided it would be worth the hike up the stairs to visit me at the top of the slides. And, of course, once again I wish I could remember what I said, because it wasn't long until we were making out on top of the slides and that nice bathing suit top was no longer hiding those nice tits. I rubbed her nips a little bit and she went down the slides. NiceTits and I had many more encounters, but none happened at my first workplace so they need not be discussed here. Some of those encounters are in some of my other stories.
? lmao. 
